Chapter 16 Contradiction

Meant to be…
By, Veera.

As much as I was agitated by her words, I also wanted to declare my love to her, to that nerd, weirdo. And I also wanted so desperately to remind her that  was ‘The Sridev’, the don of her entire high school era, well there, exceptions has to be made for 11th and 12th grade though.

It was hard to figure where life was taking me to be honest.

We all plan and plot our lives right after the 10th grade or 12th but we often intend to forget that life is meant to ‘live’ in the “moment.”

Bhuvi wanted to pursue CA but he had pursued Engineering with me. My Dad wanted to be a Doctor but he was in Indian Army. My mum wanted a not-so-unavailable husband and look who she got married to! My father initially wanted me to join Army but well, mum was the deciding authority. She wanted me to make a good, content Civil Engineer. To top all that, look at me now. I hated love, I was not interested in a serious relationship and I never believed in love but then,  I was literally following a girl, who was with her father and it was the first thing that I was doing that day. 

Well I need to track her down and sort the conflict.

Life will never give you second chance ‘twice’

Well it is ridiculous. If I really needed a second chance I could have done anything to persuade her right?  Well promised myself not ask excuses because it will be so stupid, if I let her go again.

She has taught me many things, I learnt to enjoy the smallest things in her presence, and she taught me to value my parent’s efforts a little more than I used to. Every day with her, was a dream come true. 
I still remember collecting things from her secretively, to make memories. Right from stealing her lolly pop, Ink pens and those 64 ribbons! One day I’ll show all that to our son and tell him how stupidly, idiotically, insane I was, in love with his mother!


I was an inch away from hitting her car, and had almost crashed actually.

Her car went inside some huge building, it was crowded. We had followed her meaning, along with Ragu. We were suddenly stopped by the watchman and his face seemed familiar and I didn’t know why. I was actually quite kind of puzzled, because I didn’t know how I knew this man. He stopped us and he went to say,

“Where is your ID card?”

I was flushed. Where is my what? I had to follow her and she was already gone past my eyesight and the guy whom I thought I knew asked me for the ID card! Who the hell was this man, and why was he asking my ID card?

“Sorry but why are you asking me for an ID card?”

“Son, do want to go in or what? This is your College’s custom, don’t you know that?”


I looked up to the name board and it said “SNN college of Engineering”. My jaw dropped. This was where I pursue that course that I dislike and SHE was joining there too! That was certainly not a second chance but a whole damn innings.

What an amazing start to the newest phase of my life!

I had cried. Why should I meet him right when I’m determined to move on? That was my newest venture and I did not want my past to collide and crumble my future. And by ‘past’, I meant him. I cried at the very moment that I saw him and was panting like some huge ice berg struck right into the heart. I couldn’t not actually face him.

We have actually talked for hours without even uttering a word, yes, we have actually lost in each other’s eyes. I have once struggled to look right into those sparkling, extremely sharp eyes, those eyes; that could kill me without shedding a drop of blood or tearing a pound of flesh from my body. With those eyes I fell in love for the first time, with those eyes I found a new reason to be merry and with those eyes, I drained in love madly that I nearly lost myself.

Those were the eyes that I had once longed to see, to stare at, to cry with; but, when I had those sparkles alluring for me, I neglected it.

Life is strange.
I literally could not face those killer eyes because I was not sure if I could hold my emotions with such delicate mask of hatred. My heart was heavy with agony and scars of the past I and I could not show it. I needed to conceal them all. If I did reveal them, then I would lose. I was so nervous and irritated because that song played. I couldn’t control the tears that I wanted to cry for one last time screaming but I could never let my Dad know. I was almost happy that I said those words to him.

 My Dad was so stubborn that I had to study Engineering and that too in this college specifically, because he liked it, just as simple as that! Well this one seemed too be big, like enormous!
I had secured enough marks to confirm my admission through the phone. So it was confirmed that I’ll be spending my next 4 years there, in Chennai.
Chennai, I loved the city but I hated to even hear his name again. Man! Sona also got in, fortunately because I couldn’t even have survived the thought of being there without her and she cannot too. My dad had to go talk to the officials about college and he asked us to go get the admission form filled up. It was provided by some bunch of seniors and they had volunteered to do this.

“Shaina let’s go quickly get the admission form and then we shall check out this place”

“Yes I really need to find out where the canteen is”

“Hope it’s near the classroom”


We engaged in such happy and pure laughter. My heart felt light then. We headed straight to the counter. And first I had to get my admissions filled up because she insisted me to, I just didn’t know why. The queue was long; we had to wait for about fifteen minutes. And finally my turn came,

“Name please”

I opened my vocal cord to answer but who had asked the question made me strangle instead. It was him. For God’s sake it was bloody him and that meant that he would be there and will be there all 4 years well, not four years technically but two! I didn’t know what was happening but I did know that all that was going to be funny.

“Excuse me, your name please”

And that was too much, I thought to myself. But I couldn’t control the laughter. It was strange because  an hour ago, in the signal I was so furious that I wanted to slap him but then, when I saw him, face to face I couldn’t hide my smile. This was totally weird and so anomalous. With that unhid smile in my lips, I said,

“It’s…it’s Shaina”

“Oh nice name, could you please spell it out?”

Man I could not control my laughter and so couldn’t he. He laughed half way through asking it.

“It’s S H A I N A”

I told him without looking at him; I couldn’t look into his eyes, obviously. And he filled up the rest of the info without even asking me. Photocopies that I submitted helped him with the 10th and 12th marks and percentage. He of course knew my… well everything. But he asked me one thing though,

“Which stream?”

“Civil Engineering”, I told with a regret in my tone that which was too evident.

He suddenly looked up, and stared for a second at me with an extreme euphoria in his face. It was clear in his eyes but I didn’t know why. He then gave me the form, extending his magnified bicep arm saying,

“Well, best of luck junior”


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